You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
