Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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