Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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