I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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