I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
