True but thats because hes a fetus.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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