Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
