Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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