i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
