sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
