Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
there is puke in my bra ... again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
