they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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