I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
