Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
