Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This house was built for laser tag.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize