The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
