we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
