i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
