how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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