for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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