Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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