it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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