Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
