Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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