the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
