maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
