so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
