i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
