These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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