Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am puke
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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