i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
