What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
