and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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