My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
