i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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