Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
