It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
