Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
