i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
