dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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