My sheets look like a crime scene.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
