need another drink. this is the easiest way
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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