May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
