I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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