"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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