Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
