you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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