i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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