I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
