But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
