paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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