Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
