So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
