Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(353): View more from

I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.

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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(616): View more from Michigan

Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him

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(516): View more from New York

Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me

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(949): View more from California

Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.

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(360): View more from Washington

Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Nope.

(360): View more from Washington

You kept saying you had to be safe.

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