Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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