guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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