Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize