I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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