You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
