Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
