Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
