i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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